Advice From Your Future Self

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Advice from your future self

This won't be the first time I've mentioned time travel in my articles on this blog, and probably not the last.

In The Guide: Keep Your Future Out of the Trash Can (and Vice Versa), I discussed ways you can convince your not-so-cooperative future self to carry out something you are resolved to do. I also wrote an article about using a future self journal to ensure you reach your goals.

This article will discuss a way you can recruit your future self to encourage you when your present self (either the metaphorical horse or the rider) starts losing the confidence to continue.

Get to know your future self

If your future self were to get into a time machine thirty years from now and travel back in time to visit you here and now, how would you recognize yourself?  You would see similarities, of course. 

You can probably imagine what you'll look like in 30 years.  Twenty years ago I used to stand in front of the mirror and tug downward on parts of my face to see what I'd look like later in life.  I would try to stop moving my eyebrows up because it wrinkled my forehead and I didn't want those lines to become permanent.  (Too late. It didn't work.)An experiment in 2011 found that people who were exposed to an age-advanced version of themselves in a virtual reality environment showed higher levels of identification with their future selves and were more inclined to save for the future. Hershfield, Hal E; Goldstein, Daniel G; Sharpe, William F; Fox, Jesse; Yeykelis, Leo; Carstensen, Laura L; Bailenson, Jeremy N (2011). "Increasing Saving Behavior Through Age-Progressed Renderings of the Future Self". Journal of Marketing Research. 48 (SPL): S23–S37. doi:10.1509/jmkr.48.spl.s23. ISSN 0022-2437. PMC 3949005. PMID 24634544.

How about your personality?  Would you and your future self laugh at the same jokes?  How much of your personality would be the same?  

A 2016 study took advantage of personality data collected 63 years earlier from a cohort of Scottish 14-year-olds.  Then they compared the personalities of the same people, by then 77 years old.  The report concludes:

Studies have demonstrated that personality is subject to a lifelong series of relatively small changes— particularly in adolescence and early adulthood, but continuing even into older age.... The longer the interval between two assessments of personality, the weaker the relationship between the two tends to be. Our results suggest that, when the interval is increased to as much as 63 years, there is hardly any relationship at all.Of the six personality traits tested (self-confidence, perseverance, originality, desire to excel, stability of moods, conscientiousness), only the latter two remained relatively stable over the 63 years.  Harris, M. A., Brett, C. E., Johnson, W., & Deary, I. J. (2016). Personality stability from age 14 to age 77 years. Psychology and Aging, 31(8), 862–874. https://doi.org/10.1037/pag0000133 

It is very likely that your future self will have many small differences from what you are today.  A significant part of this may be due to changes in your identity over time.

I keep coming back to an incredible article by Benjamin Hardy in the Harvard Business Review.In fact, I learned about the study above from this article. In the article, Hardy cites the work of Dan McAdams (which I've also cited), and then he says:

Your personality — the sum of your consistent attitudes and behaviors — is merely a byproduct of identity. Your identity narrative is the story you tell about yourself: past, present, and future.My opinion is that this is a compelling statement that is in agreement with the conclusions above, as well as what I have seen elsewhere. But I am hesitant to agree with him about the use of such a strong statement. There is definitely more room for exploration before we can arrive at such a simplistic definition.

Does my view of my future self affect the way I live now?

In How to Minimize Regrets I discussed the value of using surrogation to find out whether we will like something or not.  That is, ask someone who has already been there.  The authors cited in that article interviewed people who have already gone where we are all headed: old age.  And their answers clearly indicate what all of us will wish we had done by the time we get there.

We've already done the equivalent of sending an email through an internet time machine when we sent a sales pitch to our future selves.  This time, we're going to have a two-way exchange with one of our future selves - one that lives 30 years in the future.

Here's how it works. Pick one:

  • Write about a challenge you are currently facing.  Then write a reply that seems to come from your older, wiser self.  
  • Write to your future self about one of your goals.  Write a letter back from your future self, explaining how you reached your goal and how it impacted your life afterward.  What surprises followed?

I stumbled across this idea during my research for this post, but I'm amazed that I didn't think of it before.  I guess it's because it seems a little ridiculous: How could I possibly know what my 80-year-old self would have to say to me?  But on second thought, it's not ridiculous at all.

We are going to assume a few things here.  First, we're going to assume that my future selves are all going to keep trying to be the best version of myself.  And we're going to assume that I'll be successful in continuing to apply everything I've learned and written about on these pages.  With these things in mind, here's what my imaginary 80-year-old self is going to encourage me to do:

  • Be true to myself, pursue my dreams, and don't try too hard to fit in.
  • Make time for friends and family
  • Express my feelings.  Face conflict courageously and calmly.  Say "I love you."
  • Forgive people.  
  • Stay in touch with people.
  • Get out of my comfort zone.  Let go.  Be silly sometimes.
  • Focus on what I'm giving, not on what I'm getting.
  • Take care of my health.  He'll probably have something specific to say about it.
  • Be careful about who I'm spending time with.  He'll see more clearly who is good for me.
  • Have a more balanced view of the people I admire.
  • Think carefully about my decisions.
  • Take more small risks.
  • Set my sights a little higher.
  • Don't be in a rush.  Take it one day at a time.  Enjoy life.
  • Don't put off the important things.  He's still pursuing my dreams, but my future self is often tired, sore, and has less energy than I do.

My future self won't push me to:

  • Get rich (but he might urge me to save a bit more).
  • Buy more stuff.
  • Compare myself with others.  He isn't going to care whether my car is as new as the neighbor's.

He isn't going to tell me that I shouldn't try harder because I'm the way I am and I can't change.  He knows that effort will pay off eventually.  He knows that if I don't work at it, I'm not going to be as happy as he is.  I'm going to have more regrets.

He's going to have reasons to be upset with me because some of my decisions now will cost him something.  Some of my mistakes will hurt him.  But he will treat me with empathy and compassion because he knows I'm doing the best I can.

I can write to him about the problems and stresses and anxieties I'm going through.  He'll tell me, "I remember when I was you going through that."  He'll probably also tell me he's glad I have to deal with that problem because it will prepare me for something bigger down the road.

Why this exercise is worth doing

If you've read some of my articles, you know I don't write things just because they sound good.  When I don't find evidence to back up what I say, I won't write about it.  This exercise is no exception.  Does science say anything about this?

While the letter from your future self will be a product of your imagination, the benefits will be real.  In her book The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal cites a study that shows imagining your future self can boost your present self's willpower.Harju, B. L., & Reed, J. M. (2003). Potential Clinical Implications of Implicit and Explicit Attitudes Within Possible Exercise Selves Schemata: A Pilot Study, Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings, 10(3), 201–208. https://doi.org/10.1023/a:1025414913130

People who score high on personality traits of General Activity (a facet of Extraversion), Emotional Stability (low Neuroticism), and Conscientiousness live longer.  Since we've seen that personality traits are malleable, we can be sure your future self will thank you for cultivating these qualities.It's true that Conscientiousness is a more stable trait, according to the above study.  But you've already got that trait down or you wouldn't be reading this footnote.  Terracciano, A., Löckenhoff, C. E., Zonderman, A. B., Ferrucci, L., & Costa, P. T. (2008). Personality Predictors of Longevity: Activity, Emotional Stability, and Conscientiousness. Psychosomatic Medicine, 70(6), 621–627. https://doi.org/10.1097/psy.0b013e31817b9371 

Researchers found that a group writing to themselves 20 years into the future was more likely to exercise than a group writing to themselves 3 months in the future.Rutchick, A. M., Slepian, M. L., Reyes, M. O., Pleskus, L. N., & Hershfield, H. E. (2018). Future self-continuity is associated with improved health and increases exercise behavior. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied, 24(1), 72–80. https://doi.org/10.1037/xap0000153  

The results of another study suggest that wiser decisions can be achieved by reminding oneself that the future self will feel and need many of the same things as the present self or by simply stating that the new perspective might be helpful.Pronin, E., Olivola, C. Y., & Kennedy, K. A. (2008). Doing Unto Future Selves As You Would Do Unto Others: Psychological Distance and Decision Making. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(2), 224–236. https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167207310023 

A literature review finds that when people see their future self as similar to their present self, with realism and vividness, as well as when they see it positively, they are more inclined to make sacrifices now that may benefit them later on.Hershfield, H. E. (2011). Future self-continuity: how conceptions of the future self transform intertemporal choice. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1235(1), 30–43. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1749-6632.2011.06201.x 

Share your current relationship conflicts with your future self and listen for a reply.  This is called temporal self-distancing.  It will have beneficial effects on your current relationships.Huynh, A. C., Yang, D. Y.-J., & Grossmann, I. (2016). The Value of Prospective Reasoning for Close Relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(8), 893–902. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550616660591  

Be curious

I've imagined a lot about my 80-year-old self, but I'll only know that self when I get there.  But those discoveries are going to be fun.  After all, my future self has a lot in common with me, but he's not me.  He'll share some memories with me, but not all of them.  I will share parts of my current identity with him, but not all.  Most of my values he'll share with me, but not all.  He'll still have some of my physical characteristics, and we'll still have some beliefs in common.  Curiosity means I'm not afraid to discover what I will eventually become.

Bonus section

As I research these posts, I often come across interesting tidbits that don't fit anywhere else but I'd like to share them anyway.  Each of these touched me for different reasons, and I think they'll touch you, too.

Susan O’Malley, an artist and curator from the San Francisco Bay Area, published a book in 2016 called Advice from My 80 Year-Old Self.  She had asked more than a hundred ordinary people of every age and every walk of life, what advice would their 80-year-old self give them? After that, she transformed their responses into colorful text-based images.  She had this to say about her interviewees:

For the most part, it takes time for people to find their 80-year-old voice. She’s always there though, her wisdom just waiting to be summoned and heard. She is likely a kinder, more courageous, and sometimes even more practical version of you. 

Sadly, Susan, who was so keen to gather timeless wisdom from young and old, was herself to die at the young age of 39.  Her book stands as a memento to a life, short but well-lived.

Tim Ferris briefly mentioned this concept on his blog last year.  You can read A Letter from My Older Self to My Current Self by reader Nishant Garg for a sample of how this works.

Speaking of Tim Ferris and surrogation: Do you want to be famous?  Ask someone who's been there, and then ask yourself the question again. (Warning: It's intense.)

Finally, I (re)discovered a cool service that lets you communicate with your future self electronically: FutureMe.org.  Nobody knows whether you'll be able to send a message to yourself 30 years in the future, but it might be worth a try!

I've written several blog posts about journaling, and I've been practicing what I've been preaching.  I'm really excited about this journaling concept.  I am eager to see the results for myself.